I Want Control

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Hey. I'm 18 and I've suffered from Anorexia and Bulimia for about four years now. I've been in treatment twice. I switch from working on recovery to actively being involved in my ed. I made this blog so I can come here and post when I need to.

Stats:
Height-5ft
HW:120
LW:88
Cw: 110
Ugw: 75

Pictures of me Ask me anything

May 19, 2012

(Source: flyhighfragilebluebirdfly)

2:00pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLmPtjp

(Notes: 27)

May 19, 2012

(Source: kun-on-oikein-pieni)

1:59pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLmPcU2

(Notes: 12)

May 19, 2012

(Source: disorderedperfection)

1:59pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLmPYa8

(Notes: 26)

May 19, 2012

(Source: gaunt-emaciation)

1:58pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLmPW5j

(Notes: 56)

May 19, 2012

FUCKKK

I’m so fucking huge. I can’t stand it. It’s gonna take me forever to lose all this weight.

Ugh. I don’t even understand. My ed hasn’t been about my body for so long. But, I still want to lose weight. I don’t even hate my body. I appreciate and respect it for all that it can do. But jesus christ, I just want to be so fucking thin. I want to be emaciated. I want to see 75lbs on that scale.

I really want to take laxatives because I think I’ve had like 1,000 calories today and it’s only 1:45 pm. But my chest was hurting earlier and I don’t want to pass out and die because of laxatives. But I can’t take them tomorrow because I have work/a riding lesson. And I can’t take it during the week at all because I’m shadowing vets all week for my senior project. But I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. But I don’t want to want to lose weight. Just.fuck.everything.

1:47pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLmN6R1

(Notes: 1)

Filed under: ed eating disorder thin thinspo

May 16, 2012

(Source: sickly-thin, via gaunt-emaciation)

6:33am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLaQ6jy

(Notes: 2,636)

May 16, 2012

(Source: ednos-teen)

6:32am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLaQ60A

(Notes: 58)

May 16, 2012

thehealthymind:

afragileexistence:

Everything I’ve ever had “going for me” is lost. I am not a person; I am illness. Wake up, fall prey to my own mind, fall asleep. But also living in denial: I’m not even that sick. I don’t need help. I will remain this way. Devoid of all human qualities, all potential I once had. Comfortable in my own suffering, but miserable. Repeating the same stupid shit because it’s habit and never sick enough to change. 　

THIS

(via fastyourlifeaway)

6:32am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z8sd4yLaQ5PJ

(Notes: 58)

May 14, 2012